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- New Canaan, Brimley
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I feel like he has some issues with anxiety and needs to talk to a professional. How can I convince him that he or we needs to see somebody about this without that conversation itself producing a meltdown? What your partner wtih doing is called stonewalling.
I feel like he has some issues with anxiety and needs to talk to a professional. How can I convince him that he or we needs to see somebody about this without that conversation itself producing a meltdown?
What your partner is doing is called stonewalling. A person might avoid a topic by being silent, changing the subject, ignoring his partner by scrolling through his phone instead of listening, or simply leaving the room. Essentially, stonewalling shuts down a conversation.
But even though the problem seems to lie with the person who stonewalls, the other partner plays a role, too. After all, a conversation ends only if you let it end.
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He, in turn, feels bad for making her cry, immediately backs off from the topic, and turns his attention instead to her tears. He gets anxious and leaves the room, and to avoid causing him more distress, you let the conversation drop.
He may avoid these topics for a of reasons. It might be that he finds himself overwhelmed by the of topics presented to him at once, or that he thinks the discussion of one topic will inevitably lead to another.
So how can you approach your partner about boyfridnd to see a therapist together to unravel this pattern between you? A boundary is about setting a limit for yourself.
An ultimatum is about controlling someone else by insisting that they change. But no matter what you do about that, I need us to get help with our communication in order for me to feel confident that we can be a topice couple, which is what I very much want for us. Boyfridnd, you can set up an appointment with a couples therapist and him the time and place, and write concisely in that same what you attempted to explain when he panicked.
He may find absorbing something he can read at his own pace easier than something you say to him in real time in a room together. In couples therapy, you both will experience a way of having these conversations that feels connecting rather than acrimonious, which in turn will wit him less anxious about having them going forward.
Dear Therapist is for informational purposes only, does not constitute medical advice, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, mental-health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.