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Budyd sharing Since the end of apartheid - and even for some years before that - young South Africans have been free to date whoever they want.
Rayana, overwhelmed, suddenly breaks down in tears.
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Until now Ithra and Tumelo have lived at home, supervised busdy their families. But soon they will be moving away together to a new city. While she has always been supportive of her daughter dating a black guy, something suddenly feels different. There might be a future between Ithra and Tumelo, and that's maybe what it is," she hesitates.
I always encouraged the girls to be open about everything. And now it's a relationship. With a black guy.
How open am I really? We're gonna get roasted! Ithra and her sisters lookjnf who have now made their way from her bedroom where they were huddled over a computer waiting for the junior doctor posting - worry that their mother's honesty about race may be received badly, especially on social media, when this story is published. It sits differently.
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I remember being so angry with my parents and my grandparents for not doing something about it. How could we be part of such a cruel and unfair system - and you allowed it? Now when you have that kind of purpose, of course I'm going to have kids that I've raised that are free of that reality but I'm also human and I come from a certain community so it does go deeper.
Grandpa Ashraf, in a wheelchair, wears a traditional Islamic thobe and cap. His wife asks me to sit next to her on the leather couch as I ask why they haven't spoken to their granddaughter for months. It wasn't their choice not to talk, they say, it was Ithra's.
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The whites one side. The coloureds one side and the blacks one side. Would they prefer Ithra to be dating someone of her own culture? Grandpa Ashraf interjects, "No, that is being racist, actually. Then she adds: "You know we were very racist, I am going to be honest with you, because we come from apartheid and that lookinf for text mature black buddy is always there. It will never go away.
But it's strange, when it comes to your own family, then it's a different scenario and you have to accept It's the Rainbow Nation. Approval rates among white people rose ificantly over this period, though they are still more negative than others about interracial marriage. Approval of interracial marriage among the mixed-race and Indian communities actually fell in the 12 years to At the same time, the of interracial marriages is increasing.
A study by North-West University in Mahikeng showed that in only one marriage in involved people of different races, but by it had become about one in That's 0. According to the census, three-quarters of South Africa's population is black, and Asians make up just 2. The rest of the population divides more or less equally into white and mixed-race.
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At least black and white people in relationships with each other are both likely to come from Christian families, while in Blasian relationships religion is added to other cultural barriers. And there is another factor. She's spent the morning preparing the mopane worms, tripe and chicken's feet. She's also bought halal meat especially.
There's no way she could have been allowed to bring home a man of another race she says. That would have been unheard of. She wants her children to tdxt that freedom, though she doesn't want them to abandon their culture.
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And that means not compromising on eating chicken feet and tripe, or drinking alcohol, in front of people who may not be used to it. Ithra, Rayana and her husband and Ithra's bucdy arrive holding flowers and deep pans containing Asian food: biryani and tandoori chicken. Modjadji throws her arms around Rayana.
As the families sit down to eat, Tumelo's brother recites a Christian prayer. Then the conversation s, and soon it turns to those not at the table - namely, Ithra's grandparents. I decided I should do something. But I needed advice on whether to click the unfriend button or the reply button. Social psychologist Dr Keon West says it depends on what you're trying to achieve.
I can just hear them now - "You're just playing the race card. It actually scarred me a bit, to be honest.
Here is a selection of readers' experiences as told to us:
But she believes by sharing her thoughts it might make him think about how other people feel. A lot of people did listen and said, 'Thanks gor sharing your knowledge' and went on to educate others and I think that's important. But they may vor aware that other people do not appreciate their behaviour. He calls it the "what-about-ery" - meaning "what about me? I can't help but roll my eyes - I'm tired of it all. Time to click that unfriend button.
Follow Cherry on Twitter: cherryewilson Here is a selection of readers' experiences as told to us: I posted a comment on Facebook which was lookiinf - I suggested that all forms of oppression and barriers should be removed for all folks. I was using "all" in the sense that none should be left behind.
However, my words were interpreted to mean the opposite, which created upset. So I would say this: engage with the individual. Don't dismiss them as stupid, ask them what they mean. James, Milton Keynes I'm mixed race and have had balck same dilemma when seeing casual racism on my news feed.
Initially I started to challenge the posts but it started to have an impact on my mental health so I took the decision to unfriend. I'm grateful that I've had black and white friends check in on me during this time to make sure I'm OK. Michelle, Sheffield, UK I am a white retired police officer. I would advise anyone to not share any racist articles with me and if they continued I would have to unfriend them.
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The colour of one's skin, their religion or status should not be used to judge someone. I choose my friends by how they treat others and what is in their heart. Bud, Findlay, USA I've had to take myself off all social media channels as it was really getting to me and making me lpokinf depressed. I am texy white woman married to a Muslim man and we've laughed off instances that on reflection were clearly racist.